Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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