We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He better not be in your backpack
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
