I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize