Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
All the doctor said was why
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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