My hand turned me down
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
