OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
