watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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