stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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