Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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