Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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