So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
