Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
