your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
