No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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