I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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