last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize