Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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