I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
