***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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