dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
