I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
