I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
