It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
