kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
