Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
