I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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