i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
