I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
