so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
