I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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