u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
