watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
