Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
