i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize