I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
