the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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