you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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