There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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