When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
