I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
