If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
