Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
