I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
