I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
