UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
