At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As shirtless as possible
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
