Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
