Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
