Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
