Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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