tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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