and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
