Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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