I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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