Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
