Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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