my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
