i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
