wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it glows. i had to have it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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