Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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