I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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