Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
