you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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