Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
