Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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