I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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