Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
